There are moments.....

I remember once posting about saying things that need to be said, even if it is risky... Now, I don't know.. I need to rely on my faith, because through my faith I know I am strong and it's ok to tell someone something even if it risks the relationship....

However there are moments where yes, I have my faith, for it is with me always.... But there are those moments inside a Hallmark, where the Fresh Ink cards just aren't as funny, when your standing there alone....

There are moments when you replay a night in your mind, and you so badly wish you would have just told that person that with each moment shared between you, you feel like your falling in love with that person... Even if you both knew it was a good time not a long time.... No matter how badly you wanted a long time with that person....

There are moments when you find a perfect rooster that you would love to buy for that person that doesn't exsist in your life anymore....

There are moments, when you drive through a town, you dread running into your ex, his wife AND his kids....

There are moments when your driving to an old place that you haven't been since the ex, you find yourself catching your breathe as you remember your last moments there together...

There are the moments, where you listen to your friends heartache because you know he loves this girl so very much, and it's so clear to you that it is not going to happen, however he continues to hold faith....

There are moments when you think.... Why have I played by all the rules, to not win the game?

There are moments when you can't shake that feeling of wanting to tell someone that you love the feel of his lips on yours..... That in your dreams he is with you always, not just every once in awhile...

There are moments that you want to say... You know what, I'll go with you, I'll follow your dreams with you because I have my dream, and I can do it ANYWHERE...

There are moments that I wonder, does he ever think of me and remember what it was like? Does he watch Top Gun and think of me, Does he eat sushi and think of me, Does he make french toast and think of me?

There are moments that I actually think... Perhaps the mutliple propsals where my chance, and now there wont be another....

There are moments, that I'd give ANYTHING IN THE WORLD to return to that couch and have an all night giggle fest!

There are moments that I'd love to be laying in that black room, on his twin bed, listen to music until sunrise, just talking about life.. Knowing it was a safe place because I wasn't his type..

There are moments that I wish I didn't have secrets that I have to keep from friends only to save their hurt.

And there are moments that I just have to say, Someone else is in control, Someone else holds the road map to my life... It may not make sense to me now, or perhaps maybe never..

Every day as I enter work, I say a prayer that He give me the patient that needs me that day, and that I need that day... When it comes to my job, I acknowledge whole heartedly that He is running things, and perhaps it is because it is either Life or Death? And He is present for both?

So why is it difficult to acknowledge that day to day, or every second that passes?

And maybe it's ok to have those moments of wonder...... As long as I continue to look to the Lord?

But as for me, I will look to the Lord and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7: 7