My Blog

It seems like so many people read this blog and fabricate their own thoughts, I can't tell you how many conversations I have had with my mom this week alone about my blog and the "meaning" behind some posts. I have no hidden meanings, I just want to be able to blog and post. Sometimes I can't say what I want to really say because of things like HIPPA.... .

SO in my previous post when I say:

I sit amongst a group of people who I used to call my friends, people who I spent a lot of time with, who I shared things with, and now I realize that I’m not their friend any longer… When I realized that I wasn’t sad at all, my realization was more so, wow was I like that before? I sure hope not.

That is a direct reference to the day I showed up to work and was told I was pulled out of the count to do RTS stuff, there were 5 (FIVE) nurses that had the patient before me and NO ONE could start the RTS paperwork or mention to the mommy about burial? I don't think that is what bothered me the most, the comments being thrown around about the baby, the rude mean insensitive comments. He was beautiful, he was a baby, he was someones baby, he was and is a child of God, no one deserves to be made fun of. I was honestly devastated as I told my mom the things being said about the baby, those were people I once called my friends, people I know would NEVER do things like that, but I guess I was wrong.

I also said:

Wouldn’t it be easy to just hit a delete button on certain aspects of our lives? I had this pseudo crush on someone who said to me this week he didn’t want to have anymore kids, DELETE, literally that is what I thought in my mind. DELETE, not wasting any time on you anymore. See, there is that mean side that I’m sure your thinking, sheesh she is harsh, but really I’m not. It’s just come down to, not living that life anymore… There are so many takers in this world, I need to surround myself with the people who will help fill me back up when I am empty.

Yeah it would be easy to delete a certain aspect of my life, so I could just erase those feelings I have for this certain guy, and then I wouldn't be the one always giving, i.e. calling, texting etc, trying to hang out... Instead he'd call, text and would iniatate seeing me too.... Then when I was running on empty like the demise day, when I just left work feeling so emotionally drained and heartbroken for that sweet baby, I'd have a guy that filled me back up.. Instead, when I text him, I got no response.....

My father raised us with a certain motto, he told us this: IF YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT...

So now I ask, why do people read my blog and assume I'm talking about them? If you haven't wronged me why would you assume it's about you... I've now had that happen with 2 people in my blogs lifetime... Which this month makes 1 year, so that is a lot in my opinion. Occassionally I can't type what I mean outright because I know those people read my blog.... So I can't say wow, I wish secret crush guy (insert his name here) would get it together and reciprocate a little bit.

Make Sense?