Thursday, August 12, 2010

Be careful what you wish for!!

I used to live and die by my calendar!! My life was planned out to the minute. I had morning appointments, lunch dates, shopping trips, movie dates, pottery dates, dinner outings, cocktail outings, coffee shop talks, heck I even have a friend I'd go eat pancakes with at 2AM!!! (Disclaimer: when I use the word "date" I don't mean the traditional "date" I mean meeting etc)

I liked that life, I liked being on the go and having friends and having people to meet up with and discuss a good book, or someone to drive around with in the middle of the night without a destination in mind.... I LOVED being able to drop by my moms or sisters house, go see my sister at work, go spend time volunteering at the Boys & Girls club, crafting, I had an ENTIRE craft room that I could make crafts in... Oh, did I mention I had a gym membership there, I could go run in the middle of the day if I wanted....

Today is Thursday, everyday this week (and the week before and before), when I have gotten home from work there is nothing to do, I think I have a special butt imprint on the couch because ALL I have done is sit around and watched TV. I get excited when it's time to get up and make dinner. Well, that took 1 hour now it's back to the couch. I have 3 books I'm in the middle of reading, I've taken up farmville as if it was a full time job!!!! Right now it's 4 in the afternoon and there is nothing to do in this small town!!! I wish my fiancé would wake up so we could go for a drive, sight see, go to the lake, see a movie, go to a coffee shop and read and have coffee, heck I'd even settle for wandering around the local Walmart!!

I used to enjoy coming out here to visit because we'd do a lot of nothing... However that was because I was always on the go in th city so it was nice to come here to relax... Well now relaxing full time is making me have cabin fever!!!

Next week I am working 3 days in a row then leaving for Phoenix, I land in Phoenix my sisters are picking me up we are going for a dress fitting, then lunch then I am headed to California!! I can't wait to be back in the busy hustle and bustle of a fast pace life!!

I guess they always say be careful what you wish for......

Sunday, August 8, 2010

So here I am 16 days in Ponca City, Oklahoma.... I've written this blog a few times in my mind... I wasn't sure which way I was going to write this update... At first I didn't want to write anything negative, because I didn't want people to start to think I made a mistake... Then I decided this is the story of me, and someday we'll look back on this and reflect that yeah it was hard but we survived it!!

I'd be lying if I told you that I haven't cried several times being here. The first week was really hard, it was hard because Oklahoma had to work everyday that I was here sitting in this house alone. It made me miss my home, it made me miss my dog, it made me miss my sisters something awful. The first week, I did a lot of sleeping and laying on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I'd get up around 4, shower get all ready and prepare him dinner so he wouldn't know I was sulking all day. Finally one day I had to confess to him, I was slipping into a depression being here. I needed to get out and meet people, work, and get established.

You see, in Arizona I was somebody.... I was an independent woman, who had a FABULOUS home, a great career where I really built a name for myself, and a family that I saw daily! I had none of that here, and I was beginning to think I made a mistake.

Oklahoma and I decided I should start work earlier then I had planned, because that would help me feel like I  had some purpose here. I started orientation at South Central Kansas Regional Medical Center in Arkansas City, Kansas. It's an itty bitty hospital that I am working at PRN (as needed) just for supplemental income. I had a great day at hospital orientation and then I went and picked up my soon to be step-kids, it was our week to have them. We had a great time we went and played at Burger Kings play land, and we did some arts and crafts that afternoon. Having the kids around made a big difference in my mood. I introduced Oklahoma and kids to my favorite place in the world, the library!! The library in Ponca City is really neat, it's the kind you see in movies, where we walk up steps and there is a big old oak door!! We picked out movies and books to keep us entertained for the weekend.

Things were definitely starting to look up for me!! Then one night I just had a complete break down and decided I wanted to be in Arizona. Oklahoma sat there and listened to me go on and on for 2 hours of crying and talking about why I missed Arizona so much. He was real real quite and then he said "give me 6 months, and we'll move back there"  That was all I needed him to say, and I felt a million times better, not because I was going to actually move back home, but because he'd be willing to go where ever I needed to be to be happy!! Things really started to look up since then! 

I started my orientation on the floor and had a delivery right away, it was funny because I was supposed to just be there observing, but they got busy (2 patients) and I just had to jump in and take control and deliver the patient, and that was all I needed. I felt complete again, I didn't feel lost or empty anymore! I think Oklahoma really noticed the difference in me as well! 

Things have been great ever since, I'm happy again, I'm not moping around the house depressed anymore!! I start orientation tomorrow morning at my full time job. I can't wait until I am working 3-4 days a week and able to be here to take care of my Oklahoma!